I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
