Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
