MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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