I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
