just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
