NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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