I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize