He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
