She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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