No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
