I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
