If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
