She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
