I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
