Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
