Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
