Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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