ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
