Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
