i barfeds in our rink
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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