When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
