you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize
