You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
