True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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