I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
