I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
tell me about the eggs
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
