ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
