Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
