you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
