He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
