I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
