Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
