so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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