What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
