I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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