Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
