booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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