I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
