Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
