I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
they're like a gay fantastic four
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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