This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
