There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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