I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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