Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Houston, we have a squirter
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
