C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
