capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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