Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
