I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
True college students do jello shots in the library
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
