is your mom at the bar?
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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