you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
